(no subject)
-Zack de la Rocha
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I believe that as you go out into the world you can’t be afraid to put your neck on the chopping block. You have to trust your own strength and your own intuition as you decide who to place your trust in, who you get close to, and as you go about your work. You have to risk getting let down.
Every once in a while for whatever reason things are not going to play out the way you may have planned. Eventually, someone or something will somehow get the better of you. Even the toughest and hardest, or the most enlightened of us can’t help but feeling some hurt or some anger when life takes those turns. But that’s the way things go, and you can’t hold on to that shit. I think it’s best to try and learn something from it, take the good with the bad, and try to be the best person you can be as you move through the world. If you place value and worth in yourself, then one should find the wisdom not to let people, situations, or possessions bare too greatly on that. I have no intention of letting life make me bitter, or too cynical.
But also, I believe you shouldn’t tolerate people who are careless with your emotions. It’s a fruitless exorcise to deal with people who demonstrate no respect for you or themselves, and show no desire to change. There’s a quote I remember though I don’t remember who said it; “We abandon people to the mercy of god, and show none ourselves.” Well, that’s right, I think. Too often people will write people off with careless disregard, but sometimes you just have to leave people to their fate. It doesn’t mean you don’t forgive, it doesn’t mean you don’t care, but as much as you put your put your heart on the line, you have to protect it too.
Rest easy kids, I’ll see you in time.
A brief but significant part of my life has come to an end. I broke up with my girlfriend last Thursday. Normally a relationship that essentially lasted a total of seven months would not be a huge event in most people’s lives. However, we learned at the end of April that we were to have a child together. In an event I still consider tragic, she lost the child a month ago. I learned since then that after she lost the baby she had begun to see another man behind my back and that she was consistently lying to me. The entire relationship definitely had its beautiful moments, but it was also torn with strife, stress, lies, half-truths, sins of omission, and blatant and flagrant disrespect towards me on her part. All of which I overlooked, because I cared about her, in fact I loved her. I certainly won’t say I did everything right, but I will say that throughout the relationship I tried my best to treat her with love and respect and understanding.
I am thankful for the friends who put up with me during the past few months as I became a little more distant and distracted. I also thank those of you who gave me honest and heartfelt advice. Some advice I listened to, some advice I did not. Thanks to everyone who lent me their ear and their support (even when they thought I was making a mistake); it really helped me to get through this.
Rest easy kids, I’ll see you in time.
The cup we’re offered
Touched our lips empty
We lost this small dream
At the speed of things we’ll never forget
It’s hidden in this place
A pain impossible to regret
Hollow blessings
Turned desires useless
Still held tightly but slipping
Into a time that turned to yesterday
The pain and the blood
Were insult to injury
As I rushed to her side
Caught up in sunset
Through the drivers side window
In the emptiness of aftermath
The cup I offered
To catch hard fought tears
Full to overflowing
Silent and separate
Held back and let go
She took my hand
I kissed her lips
And began to believe
For better or worse
In other futures
Hope overtaken by fear
One more time
Not the last
Caught up in sunrise
Through a hospital window
In the emptiness of aftermath